“I’m very impatient,” I tell them conspiratorially but might as well have said, “I’m very important and don’t have time to wait like other people.”
I’ve noticed that sometimes I celebrate my flaws. When I tell someone that I’m impatient or that I don’t like to wait it’s almost as though I’m proud of my inability to take a breath and wait my turn. I think the reason behind this is that I equate impatience with action. If I announce to someone that “I’m impatient” this means I have bigger and better things to do. I don’t wait for things to happen I make things happen.
I am very impatient to see what God has in store for us in Los Angeles.
It’s pilot season here, which means serious actors will descend on the city for the next three months to audition for their big break. A critical decision facing Josiah is what theatrical management company will represent him.
His modeling agents are in the process of setting-up interviews. They scheduled a meeting this week with a manager with whom they have a good working relationship. As Josiah prepared for the meeting, we asked God to reveal the manager’s character.
When he got home, Josiah told me that he felt immediately uneasy when he met the manager face-to-face, “He seemed cutthroat, said he clawed his way to the top and started his own company because he was tired of all the corporate bull-****,” and then a side note, “He was a bit on the sleazy side…”
In light of how we prayed, you’d think my initial reaction to Josiah’s impression of the guy was relief! Instead, I felt a combination of disappointment, relief, and impatience! Alright, so this guy was not for us-who was the next manager Josiah could interview? How was he going to start pilot season without a theatrical manager? Why hadn’t Josiah’s agency set another meeting already? Had he called his modeling agency to tell them what he thought and what he wanted in a manager?
It’s exhausting being impatient. But that’s what God’s word tells us through Isaiah, “Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength” (New American Standard Bible, Isa 40:30-31). God amazes me with his practicality on a daily basis. I think that algebraic theorem if A, then B applies perfectly here! If we persist in vigorously pursuing decisions out of our own knowledge and strength and abilities; we will stumble and wear ourselves out! If we ask God for guidance then stop revisiting the issue with our own plans; we will see God’s answers to our prayers without exhausting ourselves along the way.
Above: head-shots by S. Girard